In the Church you will come in contact with people and people always have problems. Often they come to you as their leader and ask you for help. So, how can you really help them? What exactly is counseling?

I will first show you quickly what counseling is NOT, so that you will afterwards understand better what it is and how you can help people successfully.

What counseling is NOT

Counseling is not to give somebody a good advice. Perhaps you did experience something similar in the past and now you want to give the person a good advice, how you did it back then. But that is not necessarily according to the word of God. And the problem is not solved.

Counseling is not to listen for hours. When a person just is looking for sympathy for her sin, don't just listen. You will not help him or her with just listening. If you even say, "Yes, I understand you...." You even give your approval for the sinful behavior.

Counseling is not to share a prophetic word. Prophetic words give hope, but don't solve the problem.

Counseling is not to help the person to get to know the problem better. That is the way of psychology and psychology doesn't deal with sin.

And also, you don't have to have lived through everything yourself. For example, you can give someone who is going through a divorce the correct counsel without being divorced yourself.

So, what is counseling?

Counseling is to find the root of the problem.

Romans 15:14 says: And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brothers, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to [noutheteo] counsel one another ..

Noutheteo means: to admonish, warn exhort.

What is the Problem?

There are three levels of problems. Firstly, someone presents you a problem. Secondly, there are some reasons for the problem. And thirdly, there is the root of the problem.

Counseling in practice

If you are a pastor or did some counseling in the past, you will be familiar with something like the following. A person comes to you for counseling and you start by asking him: "Hi so and so, how can I help you?". The person will explain why he has come and will present you a problem. For example he says: "I can't sleep. I can hardly fall asleep, even when I'm very tired and exhausted. Now I wanted to ask you for help so that I can sleep normally again."

Now you can say, "Ok, let me pray for you!" but you will see the same person a week later again, because you have not dealt with the root of the problem. You can also go one step further and ask: "WHY, do you have problems with your sleep?"

"Well, I can't sleep because my wife is always snoring so loud in the bed!"

"Did you ever talk to her?", you ask. "No, she just would get angry. You know, my wife and I don't talk much with each other anyway. That's why I thought it would be better, if you could pray that she stops snoring."

You have come a step further now, and you can see an important reason for the problem. But you are just about to make the biggest mistake in counseling. "It's HER fault! ...because of HER I cannot... Because SHE does that all the time....". It is called passing the buck to someone else. And SHE is not even here.

Whenever you counsel, always look at the part of the person that came to you! Let nobody befool you and "counsel" the problem of another person that is not even present. Always confront the sin of the person that is present. Because the root of the problem is often not found in other persons, but most of the time in sin.

The root of problems

The three most common roots of problems are:

• The Love of Money
• Bitterness
• Lust

In the above example it is important, that the help starts there where the the problem really is. They don't even talk with each other anymore. So you should start giving help there. Show the person in love the true reason of the problem.

When they are bitter against each other it is sin in the eyes of the Lord and it is the reason for the presented problem. Now lead the person to the point where they can confess the sin and can receive the forgiveness of Christ. Offer them that they can also come together with the partner and you can minister to both of them, if they like.

Always apply the word for the solution. Don't just apply your own standard and how you think it is right or false. Take the word and present the root problem and the solution according to the scriptures.

So you will not only help with their problem that they cannot sleep, but save their marriage.

Sometimes it is needed to have more than one meeting. It takes as many as are needed until the person starts to apply the principles you shared. Take time for the person, until she does what you tell her. Also, give little projects to do and check if she does them.

Of course after you dealt with the sin you can also bring healing in prayer.